Tuesday, July 17, 2012

July 17th

Nope, she's not been born yet.

Tuesday was an interesting day, emotions wise. Of course everything is the same pregnancy wise. The baby still looks great and hasn't gone into distress and I never really developed an infection. So the date is still set for tomorrow morning.

My mom arrived in town last night, but it was late so she didn't come up to the hospital, but I did get to see her this morning!! That was WONDERFUL!! Oh how I've missed my mom!! It was so good to see her and laugh with her and just sit in the same room with her. There's something about seeing my mom that does wonders for my soul. Except for when we play Boggle together. Then she makes up words and they end up actually being words. Like "yoe" and "thar". Seriously??  She stayed around until about 6pm and then she left. She'd been here all day and my "yummy" hospital dinner had arrived and I think it was making her hungry, so she left to go get her own dinner and run some errands before the crazy set in.

My emotions had been fine, all day. Until about 8pm. When I think it actually, mentally set in that I was having a baby tomorrow. How is that possible, some may ask... but I feel like this whole thing isn't real. Or I just can't believe that this is how it turned out. That I've been in the hospital for 2 weeks, or that my baby is premature, or that I have to have a c-section. Even this afternoon, tomorrow morning felt like a long way off. And now that it was literally right around the corner, I may have lost it a little. My mom called (which always makes me cry), and my dad called (also cried) and then I called Heidi. That's when I really lost it, and basically couldn't pull it together after that. I called her to ask how Max was doing and couldn't even get past "hello" before I started crying. She told me stories and about some of the stuff they'd been doing and that he's been pretty happy, and it was nice to hear. Except it makes me feel like I missing it. Which, I am. But no mother likes to feel that way when it comes to her children. I think being apart from Max has been the absolute worst part of this whole ordeal. That part, is torture. Which is unfortunate because it will still be about 2 weeks until I have him back with me all the time. But at least it will be easier, or even an option, for me to go see him. And at least he'll be with his dad if he can't be with me.

After my phone call with Heidi (where I tried really hard not to let her know that I was having a breakdown) my nurse came in and gave me two Ambien so that I could try to get some kind of good night's sleep. It worked, because I don't remember much after that, other than Kyle woke me up around 11 to eat a sandwich, because I'm basically not allowed to eat until tomorrow afternoon-ish. That doesn't sound like fun to me. I like eating.

I'll update tomorrow, hopefully. Don't hold your breath though. We'll see how it all goes.

1 comment:

  1. So, I know it's a little late for this, but I just want to reassure you -- c-sections are not that bad. The recovery varies from person to person, but I've had three and for the most part have been back on my feet in no time. If during your recovery you have any "is that normal" questions, don't hesitate to call -- any time, day or night. I mean, if you're really concerned you should call your doc. But for those little things? Give me a shout.