Wednesday, July 11, 2012

July 10th

Nope, she's not been born yet.

Tuesday marks Week 33! Which is wonderful!! I'm still leaking fluid, but the baby is still in there! And as far as all the monitors and doctors and nurses are concerned, she's doing great! She's got a strong heartbeat and because I'm still leaking amniotic fluid, the doctors say that it's a sign that her kidneys are working, because it's essentially fetal urine that's coming out. So from what they can tell, she looks good. Hopefully, for her sake, she can make it until next Tuesday. That's all the good updates, so if you want only good news, stop reading.

Mom, on the other hand, is fading fast. I feel like because I'm using this as an online journal for the time being, I'm allowed to write whatever I want and however I'm feeling. And quite honestly, I'm thrilled that she's getting healthier by the day, but I can feel my morale starting to dip. My body is so overloaded with emotions and so little sleep that I don't even feel like myself anymore. You would think that when you get to be in bed all day you get to sleep, and maybe that's the case for some, but not for me. I have people in and out all the time. From sun up to sun up. Every four hours minimun is required vital taking  time, and they come in about 3 or 4 times during those 4 hours.  So getting any productive rest is hard.

And then there's my Max. Absolutely breaks my heart that I'm not with him. All I want is to snuggle and love my little boy. Facetime and Skype can only give you so much. I feel like each day that I don't get to see him, puts me further down. Makes me feel like a lousy mother that I can't even take care of my own child, scratch that, I can't even take care of either child correctly. Max is in Lewiston with Heidi and my body has so epically failed for this little girl that I can't even stay pregnant long enough for her to be healthy. It's a bitter ride that my emotions are taking me on and the longer I sit here in this hospital bed, the worse I feel.

My mother-in-law reminded me of a sign that I have in my kitchen window that says "We Can Do Hard Things". I suppose I should think of  that more often, because whether I think I can, or I feel like I can't, there's really no where to go but forward. I guess I'm just struggling with seeing the light at the end of the tunnel at this point.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.


  1. I love you Hailey...I'm sorry your emotions were all over the place. I have no clue what you're going through, but I know what it's like with emotions everywhere..not fun at all. I'm glad you're 33 weeks! Happy things are going well. I'm following your blog and thinking of you. Hang in there..she'll be here soon enough and then you'll get Max back...then you'll have both your babies!! Yes, you can do hard things..:)

  2. Thank you for writing each day! We are thinking about you guys and hope everything goes well! It will all be worth it in the end. Hang in there!!!

  3. Hailey, I think you are totally entitled to feel like that. In my opinion, feel like that, yell, scream, be angry, be sad, curse and cry until you get it all out and then do it some more. After that put it behind you and focus on what you need to do once your sweet little angel is here.
    Your hormones are so messed up right now you could probably spill your jello and cry. Talk to Kyle and get it all off your chest. Have you had a blessing for YOU? I am sure you have for the baby, but what about you?
    Oh and it sounds like you need your mommy. Just saying, they always have a way of listening and being there that helps wonders. Call her up!
    I hope you can survive this next week, physically, spiritually and mentally. You and her are in my prayers.

  4. Dude, this is all the pits. But you're not failing anybody. Max knows you love him, and while little boys need their mommies and he no doubt misses you like crazy, he's in good hands and he's happy. And little baby Early Bird? You are doing all the right things for her. We love you and we're praying for you.

  5. Hailey, you are so strong! I agree with all above that you are doing such an amazing thing to take care of you baby girl by laying in a hospital for 2 weeks! And you made sure max is in food hands. That is a big sacrifice and you will be so blessed for doing it. Feel those bad feelings and I agree, call your mom and Kyle! You have earned a good cry with you mom or Kyle :) praying for you!!