Downer Alert: Wish I could hug my mom..

One of the worsts part about all of this, is that my mom would be the person I'd call when I was stuck and didn't know what to do. When it starts to get hard, and I feel like I can't do it anymore, she's the first person (apart from Kyle) that I talk to. Sometimes, I can't even talk. I just call her and the only sound I can make is crying. And she just listens to me cry and says "I know. I love you."

I never thought of how difficult that might be for her to do, until the roles were reversed yesterday. And all I could say was "I know. I love you." Trying so hard to not let her know that my heart was absolutely breaking. And my motherly instincts kick in and I just want to hug her, and let her cry, and kiss her forehead, like she's done for me 1 million times over. I hate that I can't do that.

So that's one of the hardest parts now. I can pray, and fast, and put her name on the prayer roll at the temple, but I can't be there physically for her. And that's hard. Doesn't matter who you are, or what you're going through, there's nothing like being able to be hugged and held and be able to physically see someone there for you. Hurting because you're hurting...

*exhale*

Here's the update:

My mom won't be able to get to Honolulu until Saturday probably. But she and my dad get to talk occasionally so that's good. I was the one getting the updates from my dad and relaying the message to my mom, who is still so sick and bed ridden. So it's good that they can hear each others voices.

I got this text from my mom last night:

"I talked to dad not long ago. The missionaries had been to see him. He's hanging in there." - she also mentioned that the neurosurgeon has decided that there's no need for surgery right now. Great news!

That's the only update I got last night. Which is good. That means no turns-for-the-worst during the middle of the night...or, I guess, the middle of the day there.

I will let you know when I know.

I know I've mentioned this before, but thank you for the outpouring of love. I've received countless emails, texts, phone calls - as have my siblings - I'm sorry if I missed yours or haven't responded. This is very overwhelming for every member of my family and we are still trying to wrap our minds around what has happened/is happening.

But, please know, that it is appreciated.