She weighs 15 lbs 2 oz. She's in the 20th percentile for her height and weight. She's 24 in tall. Don't remember what her head circumference was, but she's in the 40th percentile for that. My doc said it perfectly ... on paper, she's a happy, healthy, growing baby - but not on paper.. we've got some issues.
Today's appointment was the first one where my doctor has been concerned about her developmentally. She is now noticeably not hitting the milestones that babies her age hit - EVEN when we adjust her age for her original due date. (She's 6 months, but should technically be 4 months - so they base a lot of her development on being 4 months old instead of 6... make sense??) So even for a 4 month old she's still slow. She has really bad acid reflux and is now on medication for that, and he thinks she may have digestive problems as well as allergies to a whole array of things - which could be causing her consistent illnesses.. I mean it when I say that she is sick more than she is healthy.
I've been blessed when it comes to my doctor. I couldn't have picked a better one. When I started crying in her appointment today - purely out of exhaustion and frustration with not knowing how to help Maila - he told me that he would be with me every step of the way and that, hey...yeah, having a preemie is hard. It's really hard. And it's going to be hard for a long time, but you're not alone. He even offered to go with me to the GI specialist if and when she needs an appointment. He assured me that this is what happens with preemies, and that there's nothing I can do but be patient and love her and remember to breathe... because guess what people.. Maila is hard. She really is hard for me. I know it may be ridiculous, but it makes me feel like I'm failing as a parent. Blah...
Sleep seems to be a thing of the past, but she is improving - that last two nights I've got more sleep than I think I've had since she came home from the NICU. Of course now I probably jinxed it...
It's not all doom and gloom though when it comes to Maila. She is my pride and joy and my little miracle baby. I love to show her off and I love her so!! Everyone loves her!! There's something so special and loveable about a little baby!! She smiles, giggles, "talks" constantly and LOVES LOVES LOVES Max! When my patience comes close to an end with her, I ask Max to make her happy and he does, every time, without fail. They are both such sweet spirits and they do bring a tenderness into our home.
I often wonder why she came so early to our family, and sometimes... when it's the middle of the night and it's just her and I... I think I know why. But that's just between us girls. But I feel that she still is so close to Heaven.
My dad is an inspired man and sends me emails often with "daily gems". Today's email struck particularly close to home...
"So much in life depends on our attitude. The way we choose to see things and respond to others makes all the difference. To do the best we can and then to choose to be happy about our circumstances, whatever they may be, can bring peace and contentment."
—Thomas S. Monson
I learn more about this everyday. And just think, I thought I had already learned that lesson this summer when all this happened... Parenthood is a constant learning curve for me. But I'm up to the job, I love my babies.